Prayer
was so unsettling today - in that particular way which, more than a
few times, has caused such anxiety and puzzlement and, frequently, the
urge to turn and run.
I found myself questioning all over
again miracles and resurrection in the gospels; mindful of my
unconvincing post online the other day: "scriptural
and not historical."
Total blankness initially: that sense of foreboding; the
possibility that I have completely misunderstood absolutely
everything and stand more or less condemned anyway.
Experience
has taught me to wade through this . . . the reason I pray is not for
personal redemption - which is out of my hands every which way - but
simply because You ARE - quite regardless of my personal status.
"I
look upon You in the sanctuary to see your strength and your glory"; Your Holiness; Your overwhelming Beauty; Your love for our world, for
the children, for those who suffer, for refugees, the homeless, the
dying . . .remembering also that "Cloud
and darkness are your raiment; "
Where would I be without the psalms?
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