a brief extract which struck me forcibly today:
"And so, my brothers, each of us ought surely to rejoice on this holy day. Let no one, conscious of his sinfulness, withdraw from our common celebration, nor let anyone be kept away from our public prayer by the burden of his guilt. Sinner he may indeed be, but he must not despair of pardon on this day which is so highly privileged; for if a thief could receive the grace of paradise, how could a Christian be refused forgiveness?"
Prayer
was so unsettling today - in that particular way which, more than a
few times, has caused such anxiety and puzzlement and, frequently, the
urge to turn and run.
I found myself questioning all over
again miracles and resurrection in the gospels; mindful of my
unconvincing post online the other day: "scriptural
and not historical."
Total blankness initially: that sense of foreboding; the
possibility that I have completely misunderstood absolutely
everything and stand more or less condemned anyway.
Experience
has taught me to wade through this . . . the reason I pray is not for
personal redemption - which is out of my hands every which way - but
simply because You ARE - quite regardless of my personal status.
"I
look upon You in the sanctuary to see your strength and your glory"; Your Holiness; Your overwhelming Beauty; Your love for our world, for
the children, for those who suffer, for refugees, the homeless, the
dying . . .remembering also that "Cloud
and darkness are your raiment; "
Where would I be without the psalms?