decided today to prune the office.

my greatest fear: my work will carry me away from you.
without you there is only going through the motions.
and how quickly hardness and forgetfulness set in:
carrying me silently away from you,
further and further each forgotten, unhappy minute.

let it not be so.

there is only coming closer or moving away.
yes, it is my choice but tonight the odds seem stacked.

and the turning back cannot be the emotional tideturning I feel it needs to be.
it must be as ordinary and as straightforward as saying a prayer.
and so my heart deceives me and leads me away:
telling me that you cannot give me what I really seek.
I know that this is not true and yet I feel that it is.

and I stop my ears to this or stay unhappy for ever.
my happiness lies in you alone.
this I know;
but this I do not feel.

when I am without you, you make no sense
and all around me is disaster.

whether I make it to iceland or not:
the God hidden in the darkness: he is the only God,
and he is you.

today I book flights.

iceland has to be about you.
if it isnt I cannot go.

I had a postcard from st hughs this morning.
in the afternoon I phoned Iceland.