I need to bring you into my workplace.

the emptiness I feel at the moment is close to catastrophic.

I go through the motions.

the idea of 'eternal life' seems like a  condemnation in itself.

having said that, there have been glimmers over the past few days despite real problems with the work.
There is a growing underlying sense that I do know how to do this though and must simply follow my conscience; the rest I must leave to you and it is this that I am finding so nearly impossible at the moment.
every day I have to reconvert.
start again from heathen scratch.