I came to a place where I was able to say
over and over
I am yours and you are mine.
I was able to say it and understand it.

the question is:
what do I want this music to do?
where do I want it to take me?
can I just be led by it,
or do I have to lead it myself?

does it speak, or am I speaking it?

earlier I knew that the silence must come first
that the music can only ever accompany this silence
like a missing solo violin part:
far more beautiful and essential than any notes on the page.

and then I went and wrote a few chords
which seem to take me nowhere
and drag me down.

the wall?
could it be the wall?
the essential wall:
the wall that runs through my life
the wall that I still havent understood
and wonder if I ever shall.
although at least, now,
I can acknowledge it and even look at it
without quite so much dread