music and me

I'm not sure how essential music is to me.
sometimes it's seems more a chain around my ankles.
but neglecting it only makes it a heavier burden
it is better to carry the chain than to let it drag behind me.

just now, I finished a piece started months and months ago
(more than a year in fact)
and stopped midway - unable to push it anywhere forward
(too ambitious? marvels beyond me?)
it finished itself and, as usual, I have no understanding of it,
no particular love for it;
I don't know what it means or what it 's trying to tell me
(if anything)
I don't know where it's leading, or coming from;
almost as much a mystery as life itself.

one thought helped me afterwards:
stained glass.
my music must be like stained glass.
the first purpose of a window is to let the light through.
so the glass cannot be too thick and heavy.
it's a transparent veil of meaning between.
and it illuminates.
beautiful word!
the glass is just a means to that end:
to illuminate.