I have been clawing my way back ever since monday.
the thread was broken and I had to start over:
each step an agony of indecision and doubt.
silence became again a booming emptiness.
every look backwards, every step sideways
can take me straight off the cliff.
this morning office:
the me not me but us.
bliss!
and so of course my illness is utterly relevant.
it blocks my path like a river.
turning back is not an option.
there is no bridge:
I must swim
my greatest fear: losing control.
but it has not always been like that.
control was something I learned.
it can be unlearned
and, as always, I can never choose the harder road
until there is no other road to take.
you unteach me
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