facing it

on a forum a couple of days back I wrote:
'stifling social norms'.

perhaps this relates to my music as well.
people don't 'compose'.
composers compose.
they compose and get paid for it
because they are up-to-date artists with things to say.

everything has said to me over the past two years:
you are not a composer.
stop bothering.
concentrate on reality:
prayer is your way forward in the 'inner life'
(there it is again).

only, I listened to an old piece today,
and then I improvised a little at the piano
and then I played through the last stuff that I 'wrote' ('composed').
and so I wonder:
perhaps I have got stuck on the stifling social norms (again).
could it be? could it be?
could it possibly be the music that can make me well?
could it be the lack of it that has contributed to my illness?

music as a means of travel.
that was always how it seemed.
until when? can I pin down the date?

caldey?
looking back (musically)?
turning me to stone?

answers to this cannot come with words.
they can only come with the music.
let the music be what it must be,
if it must be. . . .