the need to be creating.

v. the need to be at prayer/

which comes first and what is the division between?

Is there one?

same source yes I think so 

but it doesnt help to know that because

the activity is fundamentally different.

it is a problem I urgently need to tackle to help me 

'move on through'

because it was last week's thwarting of plans (the choir) that sent me on this downward spiral.


I came across a post from 22nd December:

"I have to face the fact that my prayer is simply taking me further into darkness and confusion.

the temptation is constantly to abandon it as a bad job - as I have often in the past - but this really is no longer an option. (my vows I have made.)

the question is: how much is due to my problems with the work here and how much due to other things?

I'm not expecting to be able to answer that at the moment but teaching in an unknown and complicated environment is inevitably not going to contribute to a quiet inner life. 

There is also a turbulence which I find here - either in the house, or in the village itself - I can't tell which. It did occur to me (for the first time) during psalms this morning that perhaps I should look for somewhere 'quieter' to live. (not quieter in the 'noisy' sense, but quieter in a more inward sense.) or maybe this inner noise is actually all mine (within me) and something I could not leave behind simply by moving."

 

This is certainly still completely relevant.  

Things cannot continue as they are.

I must do something somehow.