reading the last blog entry "today is indeed different from yesterday". 

only, I am not sure how.

I am clearly not doing enough.

the monday psalms told me this emphatically.

(thats how it feels in the work as well.)

I am not being wilful enough.

willing it and not waiting for someone else (you?) to will it for me.

love as an act of will, not springing from any emotional 'buildup' or immediate "personal need";

not springing from anything except a certain knowledge that it must be so;

which all sounds much more negative than it actually feels.

[the trouble is, words like positive and negative become more a hindrance than a help here.]

I must simply continue to give what I can. . . . . .

and continue to fight my particular demons as wilfully as I can.

not to expect a fight is to fail and be swept away in the ensuing flood.

[it certainly isnt enough to 'go with the flow'.]