I have to face the fact that my prayer is simply taking me further into darkness and confusion.

the temptation is constantly to abandon it as a bad job - as I have often in the past - but this really is no longer an option. (my vows I have made.)

the question is: how much is due to my problems with the work here and how much due to other things?

I'm not expecting to be able to answer that at the moment but teaching in an unknown and complicated environment is inevitably not going to contribute to a quiet inner life. 

There is also a turbulence which I find here - either in the house, or in the village itself - I can't tell which. It did occur to me (for the first time) during psalms this morning that perhaps I should look for somewhere 'quieter' to live. (not quieter in the 'noisy' sense, but quieter in a more inward sense.) or maybe this inner noise is actually all mine (within me) and something I could not leave behind simply by moving.

If it is the latter, of course, then I must simply face it. What I cannot do (and will not do) is abandon the prayer. In fact, perhaps the call is the opposite. I have to accept the noise and hope that in time I will understand better what is presently going on.

the psalms this morning: spoken into a howling gale so that the words were gone before I could hear them. 

"perhaps the call is the opposite": thinking more about this I know that it is.