feeling hugely guilty tonight because there is a 'do' on at school and I have decided not to go even though I did say tentatively that I was going to (when I was badgered to). Trying to justify this to myself is proving impossible although I can think of lots of reasons. It also means that any prayer becomes extra difficult because I merely come up against my conscience when I do: building the wall between us instead of taking it down . . . . . . . . . .

reading a sermon at the durham cathedral site based upon a quote by Christopher Hitchens seen in a newpaper:

"Once you assume a creator and a plan, it makes us objects in a cruel experiment whereby we are created sick and commanded to be well," he said. "And over us to supervise this is installed a celestial dictatorship. A kind of divine North Korea.”

This is an argument that cannot be won, though the sermon is a valiant attempt to do so.The problem is that there are Christians who do live in this kind of dictatorship and, in my younger days, I battled with the temptation to see you this way too or, rather: this vision of the 'monster God' came close to destroying my own faith - although there were definitely times when it was more convenient for me to see you this way.
 
Mr Hitchens is right to battle against this view of God. So should we.
Of course he is wrong about you. I know this, although I would be hard put to explain how I know this.
This is surely the difference between the God of the Old Testament and the God of the New.

I am presently reading a very long biography of Oliver Cromwell (with some difficulty and very little pleasure because there is noone to like in this book; noone I can feel friendly towards.)
I have just reached the execution of Charles I.
Apparently Cromwell and co were at a prayer meeting during the actual execution. Throughout the book Cromwell is shown to have understood the Will of God by the way the Tide seems to be Turning. If he wins a battle he puts it down to God being on his side. If his plans that day are thwarted, he changes his plan or his mind because he is always genuinely trying to anticipate what God wants. When Charles fails in his attempts at escape, Cromwell reads into this that God clearly doesnt want Charles to escape.
The word used over and over again is 'Providence.'
It is a coherent way of understanding God perhaps and it means that Cromwell can live his life in a 'flowing' almost poetic kind of way but somewhere there is a Fatal Flaw for how, then, does Cromwell interpret the death of Jesus?
Surely, according to Cromwell's theology, his crucifixion must mean failure: that God had deserted him? Surely Cromwell would have shouted with the passersby: 'Let God save him if this is his friend!' 
Isn't Cromwell's God the God of the Old Testament: the God who gets rid of Saul in favour of David; the God who thinks nothing about wiping out a few Canaanite tribes to make room for his people Israel? The God who 'hardens the heart of the Pharoah' when Moses goes before him. A God who intervenes;(some would say meddles).
Certainly, all the vehement, not to say violent, Puritan sermons of the time (at least those that are mentioned in the book) all seem to revolve around the Old Testament stories.

This does link in with Christopher Hitchens view of (and loathing for) the Dictator God.
The point I was originally going to make was that perhaps we have to stay silent for Mr Hitchens and agree with him.
To call his bluff perhaps.

There was a time when I couldnt understand why theologians and popes of old became so obsessed with stamping out 'heresy'. Now though I can see what happens when people get the wrong end of the stick about God. It ruins lives. It really does.
And of course, the result is that the baby gets thrown out with the bathwater. Heresy is when man's view of God goes skewiff. Once this has happened there's no knowing what the consequences will be except, of course, that a whole generation of decent people then decide that it must be Faith itself and not just Wrong Faith which is to blame. Once this has happened who knows where it will lead us?
Except even (or perhaps I should say especially)  in this darkest place you are present. Not the meddling God. Not a God who brings success in war or good exam results or a beautiful family or great happiness because these are just whiffs: bouquets you throw at any of us (raining upon the just and the wicked alike) to help us along the way. Your plan is so much bigger than this. We have to focus on the bigger picture: this is what you call us to and perhaps we can only really become aware of that bigger picture when we have experienced the slings and arrows as well as the bouquets.
perhaps what I am really trying to say there is that you are the bigger picture. (I'm not sure I quite understand what I mean by that but it sounds sort of right.)
Yes it is sometimes better for the Christian to stay silent. If he possibly can.