It wasn't that I understood anything this morning,

it was just that I glimpsed what it was that I was misunderstanding.

essential things which had been covered over,

I' m not sure by what.

I still havent grasped that the enormous emptiness I find here 

isnt that at all.

It is simply the only space in which I will be able to find you.

and I say that still without really understanding,

because the enormous emptiness within me stays as that:

enormous emptiness. 

each day I am wrestling with this space and I cannot find you in it;

instead of searching more diligently though my instinct to run is too strong.

until I stop running, even when things are especially difficult, (especially then)

I will not find you here.

teaching does make it all twice as difficult - but it cannot be impossible surely?

there were moments this morning when I understood,

although it is hard to recognise them.

it is the present problem I have with silence that is the greatest challenge.