casting around but, of course, I find nothing:
nothing that will replace you.
prayer becomes urgent and the more urgent it becomes
the harder it is to break through. . . . . .
the house fights me and my routine does too.
or, rather, I myself use the house and my routine as reasons:
the enemy within . . . . .
it does become a matter of will.
shall I or shall I not?
I must I must:
no other way.
the other way is separation and despair:
why would I choose a way like that?
but perhaps the words mislead:
it isnt so much a question of choice;
more a question of remaining aware that there is one.
(a choice I mean.)
the prisoner has no choice.
it is his lack of choice that is his prison.
So long as I know I have a choice I remain free -
if only potentially.
When I lose sight of where that choice actually lies:
I have unwittingly already chosen imprisonment . . . . .
I choose you. . . . .
but of course this too is not enough:
the choice is made but then I have to act too.