could it be that the thing we are most scared of is being happy?
today's reading: the wedding at cana: overflowing cups.
excess again.
God who loves too much . . . .
God who loves more than we can bear.
"we don't want that much love . . . . .!"

we don't realise that we want that much love . . . .
but actually we do but cannot believe that it can be so . . . .
that it is so.
but it washes through and away like water unless we give it back.
reciprocal.

also,
children of light are only light because the light emanates from within.
the light is not to be found in the world of things.
'history of christianity' on tv last night: the church in the west is all philosophy.
the church in the east more . . . . . what? intuitive? liturgical?
[liturgy as dance?]
this is a great hole in my life of course but filled partially by music (?)

the church in the west cerebral: greek-influenced perhaps (aristotle?)
the church in the east more 'mysterious?' . . . . I cannot find a word!