today everything is very different.
the prayer was essential:
yes, the usual chaos of false concepts,
dead ends,
mere clutter,
some strange nonsense,
but, in between, that desire to give.
strange oft-frustrated Desire,
Need,
to give everything.
to be the very gift.
My music is perhaps a manifestation of that desire,
frustrated because deeply inadequate,
made more so by my lack of faith (in it).
Love for another frustrated by lack of faith (in him and myself too).
unable to give myself into that community.
giving frustrated.
but in prayer this is no longer the case:
once I find the link established (from the other side)
(I am aware that I am unable to establish that link and can only ask for it)
the giving can be total - if bound by time -
and to give all is no sacrifice although it looks like one.
it is only relief and joy because it is all that is wanted.
it is a giving with no strings attached.
no purpose except itself.
and the ability to find that ability to give
is the greatest gift of all . . . .
surely this is where you are most present.
spirit of God.
I can only Give because you Gave to me.