dialogue

last night I slept.
I slept well and had good dreams.
I dreamt about having meaning and a place:
things to do and hopes and plans.
new starts and new hopes and new plans.
things I wanted to do and dreams and
a place where I could do things
and knew that I could do things.
then I woke up.
the stark difference between my wonderful dream
and the difficult challenging reality
hit me like a train.
I saw everything in a different light
and then darkness began to descend again
because my life has many corners
many boxes
and in each corner
each box
I am a different person.
but if I talk to people in one box
I can't be talking to people in another box
and I can't be doing with these boxes around my life.
casting around for a direction
casting around for a purpose
casting around for someone I could speak to about my purpose.
noone.
nowhere.
darkness descends:
a cloud full of rain and thunder looms.
this is something I have to face alone.
and then there is you.
you.
what to do?
I must come to you because
if there is a way through this
it has to be through you.
there is no other way.
this I know.

when you were living in durham
I told you walk on through.
right now
perhaps that needs to be
limp on through.
limp on
limp on.
it'll take longer but staying is not an option.
there is no staying
only travelling.
your music was all about travelling.
not looking back.
looking back will turn you to stone.
hurry on as best you can.
live the life you need to live
and don't expect anyone else to live it for you.
but remember one thing
I am Life not Death