a couple of things:

today's gospel was the feeding of the five thousand (Mark 6).
how specific this story is!
The disciples want to send the crowd away: they don't have the two hundred denarii that would be needed to feed them. Jesus wants them to stay so, together, they sort a solution.
And so, in great detail, the story continues.
The gospels are full of detail.
Probably added orally bit by bit over the years before Mark or Luke wrote their versions. The stories would probably have been told to the children of christians; children, perhaps. of the disciples themselves.
Children love detail in stories and, when it came their turn to relate these stories to their children they would remember those details and, probably, embroider a little;
change a little.
exaggerate a little  . . . .
This is what storytellers do.

The detail is important and we love it.
you love it.

You who created the sea monsters to play with.
In French it's even better:
"et Léviathan que tu formas pour t'en rire."


the other thing.
I called this blog "trying again" because that is how my life spiritual works - or doesn't work perhaps.
I never really get anywhere because I muck it up and have to start over.
It struck me though, today, that it is not I who try again.
It is you!
"time and time again" says the psalmist in one of the saturday psalms.

the banquet

here again?
It's a quiet week. . . . .
a special week though.

It occurred to me:
I say my prayers on your behalf!

and this time by you I mean
rest of the world. (like in the cricket)

(although in black and white it does seem
A little condescending;
like when someone says:
"I will pray for you.") . .

 . . . . . . . so it has to be a secret.

Sometimes I am aware that I am not alone in prayer.
you join us.
it's like a party:
the banquet in sight of my foes

my heart is bursting
but what can I do?
I can sing.
badly.
play a bit.
but nothing new.

you, fire that gives light
but does not consume.
you are new,
"no speech, no word, no voice is heard"
all true
and yet you thunder across our lives
 . . . .playfully.

Inching again, doubting again,
towards that chasm
I found it gone!
(I have, at least, learnt a little about this.)

yet across the chasm -
no, into the chasm?
valley of darkness
you lead
and we dance.

I turn again and tomorrow I will remember nothing.
"heaven sounds boring!"
remind me!
only you can remind me.
reinstate me in the reality which is only present when you are.

try again,you say.

"Do not forget me"  whines the psalmist.

but it is you who speak.
we forget; not you.

all around: unbelief:

water off the duck's back!

you are who you are.
but Only who you are.
Not what we want you to be.

"Give us a sign!
How can we know?"

but there is no sign
here is the problem.

vision fails
hopes fade
disappointment
even despair
letting God be God is a Problem!

only you can carry us
to that place where we bear to be willing
to let God be God;
the God who is;
not the God we think you ought to be.
not our vision of you at all!

to find you
visions must fade to nothing.
the Valley of Darkness

you are there.
unseen, unheard
yet
seen!
and heard!

then:
life
and, above all, Meaning!

there
yet nowhere in particular.
light in darkness
darkness, too, in light

casting around, finding nothing:
I find you; waiting. 

frustrated at your absence
suddenly I know your presence!

in your absence we find you
 
that was today.
tomorrow I will have no clue