Saturday, 5 March 2011

earlier I wrote:
In truth it never did.
and I do not quite know why I wrote this.

when the music flows, the music flows.
I can never know where, how or why.
I can only trust that it flows from you and back to you,
even though it may be by an indirect route.

poetry.
then can be no poetry without you.
poetry without you is no poetry at all
because you are the source of all poetry.
wherever there is beauty, there is you also,
albeit in disguise.


[suddenly, greece occurs to me.
the old, old dualism: greek v jew.
you as singularity.
you as diversity.]

I wrestled with all that, before I discovered you in the psalms:
before I came to understand you as singularity.
but in truth, I'm not sure that that itself isnt a disguise:
a means of approach that then needs to be shed as graven image.

allowing you to be you.
only possible through prayer.


the music can never be allowed to replace the prayer.
but I am a musician.
music needs to happen in me.
why?
not why but because.
because. because.
reasons are not always necessary or clear.


singularity diversity.
isnt this what the trinity is?


the truth is probably neither and both.

Friday, 4 March 2011

really, this blog is completely about my relationship with you.
and sustaining it.
this week has surely been the worst since I came to Iceland. . . . . 
starting over then. 

again, this feeling that my life with you is inseperable from my illness in some indefinable way;
that my journey to health has to start (and finish) with you.
If only I could really understand this consistently.

the voices of derision and irrelevance nag away day by day, 
sometimes overwhelmingly powerfully.
but the same could be said of my work:
this so often seems inadequate. 

really the one needs to feed into the other:
but so far attempts to do this flounder.
(it's not something that one can 'attempt' of course:
a matter of the heart only.)

this blog is also about my creative life.
at the moment it IS my creative life -
my music sparking into life only for briefest moments -
my work should help with this, and indeed it does at times.
certainly not consistently though. . . . . .
not in a way which can help me overcome the everpresent dualism.
(music v prayer)

reading through this again I realise that you ARE my creative life.
I have no creative life apart from you.
my music can now only spring from you and return to you.
In truth it never did.
But instead of freeing me it binds me because this too is a matter of faith.

is this something I have only just realised?
do I - even now - realise this?
will I ever really understand this?


Saturday, 26 February 2011















today I walked right along the beach from one side to the other.
the strong winds didnt make it easier.

Friday, 25 February 2011

this at moot today. definitely urgent enough to pass on
religious education in the new exam system

a speech by Gordon Brown

Published in the tablet this week: a speech that Mr Brown made at Lambeth Palace at the behest of Rowan Williams. It is a very methodical and clearly argued analysis of the place of faith in politics. . . . .

quotes:
re: the danger of politicians taking a higher moral ground.
"we cannot claim that God is on our side: the most we can do is hope that we are on God's side."

"Faith doesn't mean that you are without sin, it means recognising you are loved in spite of your sin. Moreover this interpretation of faith - as a lived consciousness of your failings - should remind us of that simple biblical injunction, we should judge not, lest we be judged and found wanting."

re: not being able to speak about his faith 
"If the values that matters most are spoken least and you become what the great philosopher Michael Sandel calls ‘the unencumbered self', then you bring less than your truest, your fullest, your most human self into the space you share with other human beings.
"

and I particularly love this one:
"If I had made the caveat that it is wrong for my party to co-opt or claim God for partisan purposes, they'd have had fun with ‘Brown admits God's probably a Tory'. More likely we'd have seen it go the opposite way ‘PM rams Calvinism down England's throat' or - who am I kidding? - more likely it would have been ‘glum Gordon rams scotch Calvinism down England's throat'.
 


. . . . . .so he really does have a sense of humour!

Joking aside, this passage is particularly impressive I think:
"Indeed when Christians say: ‘do to others what you would have them do to you'; when Muslims say: ‘no one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself'; when Jews say ‘what is hateful to you, do not to your fellow man'; when Hindus say ‘this is the sum of duty do naught unto other which would cause pain if done to you'; when Sikhs say ‘treat others as you would be treated yourself'; when Buddhists say ‘hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful'; there is a common ground of religious belief that that we not only cooperate out of need but that there is a human need to cooperate. . . . . .

. . . . . I admire Deitrich Bonheoffer not least for calling for ‘a non-religious language for the gospel not because the distinctive claims of the gospel must be muted and ultimately lost in the face of public secularism, but because the gospel makes so large a claim that it cannot be reduced to a 'tribal' speech, understood only by an inner circle.'"


That last sentence is really worth reading several times over.
I admire Deitrich Bonheoffer not least for calling for ‘a non-religious language for the gospel not because the distinctive claims of the gospel must be muted and ultimately lost in the face of public secularism, but because the gospel makes so large a claim that it cannot be reduced to a 'tribal' speech, understood only by an inner circle.'"